Richard Darrell Harward

Richard is already six weeks old so it's about time I blogged about his birth! The story really starts a week before he was born...

Wes made it through the bar exam at the end of July and will hopefully get the results at the end of this month. I have no doubt that he passed. It felt so nice to have it done and over with! With that major stress out of the way we focused on baby!

I was so ready to be done being pregnant. I was so uncomfortable and tired - whoever tells you to sleep while you can in the last month of pregnancy has never been pregnant. My doctor stripped my membranes at my 38 week appointment, and I was really hoping that I'd go into labor that day. I came ready with my hospital bag packed and everything. I was already dilated to 4 cm and 80% effaced so it was bound to happen soon, right? Wrong. I quickly learned that the cervix is not a crystal ball that tells all, even if your doc tells you you have a great cervix. (It's not every day you get complimented on your cervix's ability to dilate and thin.)

Things progressed slowly, and each day I would get my hopes up just to be disappointed. I was crampy and lost my mucus plug over the weekend so I knew things were happening. I just didn't know when the baby would actually come! I tried to stay busy to keep my mind off of things. It was nice to spend some time with Wes since he was on break until the 17th of August. We spent time with family and picked up some last minute baby items. We made plans with people and Wes made golf dates just trying to go about normal life.

Tuesday August 4th, I went into labor. It was very mild at first with contractions lasting only 15 seconds or so but they were persistent so I knew that IT was happening. I labored for over 12 hours at home and didn't sleep at all that night. My back was aching the whole time and the contractions progressively got longer and harder. I wasn't ever in real pain, just uncomfortable. Towards the early morning, the contractions would make me stop and focus on getting through it, but it was easier than I had expected. I woke Wes up at like 4 am to ask him what we should do. My contractions weren't quite to the minute long, five minutes apart point that they should be, so we waited some more. Wes was up at that point, sorry hun, and so he showered and we finished putting our things together for the hospital stay. My contractions finally got to the point they needed to and so we went to the hospital and got there at 7 am Wednesday morning.

My doctor was the one on call that morning. He had helped deliver me 24 years ago so it was meant to be! They first sent us to a triage room to determine if I was really in labor. I was to 5 cm and pretty much 100% effaced and they were monitoring my contractions and Richard's heartbeat. My doc came in and decided he would break my water to get the show on the road! We got set up in a labor and delivery room and I got my epidural and slept the rest of the day. I won't ever give birth any other way! Epidurals are seriously the best thing ever. We let our families know what was happening and settled in. I progressed exactly the way they wanted me to and by the afternoon we were ready to push. I got a fever towards the very end of labor and so there was a chance of infection getting to the baby. They had some extra nurses called in at delivery time but no one seemed worried and the room was very relaxed.

My nurse and Wes held my legs as I pushed. Richard didn't respond well to the first set. So we gave him a few minutes and tried again. He was good after that. So I pushed. Pushing out a baby is absolutely exhausting! Thankfully Richard was already very low so I didn't have to push too long. My doc came in about half-way through pushing. I had started to tear so he helped guide the tear so it wouldn't be as bad. It seemed like it took forever to get Richard's head out from under the pelvic bone but once it came, the rest of the boy followed quickly. Thirty-five minutes later we had a baby boy!

As I felt my son leave my body and saw my stomach go down, I was overwhelmed with joy and exhaustion. Tears streamed as I heard his cry and saw his wet, purple body plopped down on my stomach. I held him and kissed his sweet little head. He was absolutely perfect, and in that moment I fell in love and knew life would never be the same. I got to cut the umbilical cord since Wes didn't want to, and then Richard was taken away to be weighed and measured and cleaned up. I was still crying as Wes and I watched the nurses quickly do their thing. Doc was stitching me up and taking care of the afterbirth. Richard had swallowed a bunch of amniotic fluid so they pulled that out of his tummy. It looked milky and they called it Corio? Again, no one seemed too concerned. We had a healthy boy that was 19 inches long and weighed 7 lbs 11 oz. I got to breastfeed him right there for the first time, and then Wes got to hold him as they prepped me to go downstairs to the recovery room.

Baby Richard in the NICU. He constantly pulled the oxygen from his nose, but thankfully he didn't need it for too long.

I couldn't walk yet because my right leg was still so numb. Apparently the epidural went more to the right side of my body. Going to the bathroom was completely terrifying but the nurses were great and answered all of my questions. I was starving so I ordered room service and just rested. Wes got to go to the nursery with Richard. Our family arrived at 7 to see us all. But they couldn't see Richard. His oxygen saturation was low and the test that looks at the ratio of immature to mature white blood cells didn't look too good. It was possible that he had an infection. So he was put in the NICU.

There were a few possibilities here. Richard could have an infection since I had had a fever during labor and he needed antibiotics. It could easily develop into something more serious like pneumonia since his oxygen levels weren't great. But it could also simply be that because of the swallowed fluid, some had gotten in his lungs and he just needed time. The elevated test result could be from the stress of labor. They of course acted on the cautious side. They would continue to do other tests and the one that would really tell us if he had an infection would take two days for the results. So we waited, and in the meantime my baby was hooked up to oxygen, an IV with antibiotics, and other monitors.

First family picture :)

I was crushed. And scared. And worried. And in shock and denial. Just a few hours ago, I had a perfect, healthy baby. And now he was sick and in the NICU. I held it together pretty well while Wes' family was there. I felt bad that they couldn't see our son! I lost it though when my parents got to the hospital. And surprisingly, so did Wes. (Now, my losing it is messy tears, blotchy face and everything. Wes losing it is just getting choked up. But for those that know Wes, getting choked up is a very rare thing.)

Snuggling my boy. His IV fell out of his hand and they couldn't get it in the other hand, so it ended up in his head :( It didn't hurt him, and it actually made it easier to hold him in a lot of ways, but it looks rather sad.

I finally got to see my baby again around 9 pm that night. It was heartbreaking to see him hooked up to all of the monitors. He was crying when I got wheeled into the NICU. I think he had just been pricked or had his diaper changed or something. Whatever it was he was not a happy boy, but as soon as he was placed in my arms he stopped and just stared up at me. I still felt so helpless in this moment, but I felt so much better being able to hold and comfort my son and know that he knew me. His mom. I was an emotional wreck the rest of the night. I got to feed him still every few hours which was so nice.

Wes' Uncle Mike, who is a pediatrician in Logan, was able to come down late that night. He was able to see Richard and give us reassurance that everything was going to be okay. He confirmed everything that the doctor in the hospital had told us, but it meant so much more coming from a loved and trusted family member. It was a long night, but I was able to get some sleep and so was Wes. The rest of our hospital stay was spent going back and forth from our room to the NICU. We spent as much time there as possible. Richard was off of his oxygen within 12 hours and his test results continued to improve. He was eating very well. He didn't seem sick to me and we really feel like he didn't have an infection. Thankfully his final test result came back good and we were able to go home together on time. What a roller coaster!

Great Uncle Mike and Richard

That first night home was the night of the crazy storm that blew through the Salt Lake valley and we witnessed an accident right in front of us on the freeway on our way home. I was already freaked out leaving the hospital with a two day old baby. was he still breathing back there in his car seat? and could I do this? and I was starving. and all sorts of other thoughts, so seeing this accident and being in that storm did nothing to help my nerves. It was a rough night as far as sleep went since we didn't get any. I had gotten spoiled with the wonderful nurses that took care of Richard at the hospital. All I had to do was feed him there, but now at home I had to care for him every moment. Help came the next night in the form of my mother. She stayed a few nights with us and cooked a bunch and then Wes' mom stayed as well. It was wonderful. Family and friends started to visit and meet Richard.

And now we are here! Already half-way through September and he is growing like crazy! Richard is such a sweet boy. He loves to snuggle and be held. He no longer has days and nights confused and is slowly giving me longer stretches at night between feedings. He has great grumpy faces and scowls as well as crazy cross-eyed faces. He has the cutest sleepy milk smiles and whimpers. And just this past week he has started to smile at us! It is seriously the best thing ever! We are completely in love and can't get enough of our boy! I feel so blessed to be able to stay home and care for him every day. Wes started work and is loving it but misses his baby. I am starting to feel like myself again as far as recovery goes and just learning how to be a mom! It has been a wonderful adventure so far and I am so excited for each day to come!

You wouldn't think it from this picture, but Richard loves walks! This is his classic grumpy face :)

Just a Sunday nap <3

This is the closest to a smile that I have been able to capture that isn't blurry.

Love his milk grins. And the shirt says it all.

I love and am amazed that for 9 months my body provided everything this little one needed to grow and develop inside of me. And even now my body is still providing the perfect food that he needs to continue growing. I don't have to think about it or tell my body to make milk. It just does. Life truly is a miracle. Becoming a mom and feeling so intensely the love I have for my son gives me a small glimpse into the love that Heavenly Father has for me and for Richard. I am so grateful for this and am so humbled to know that He trusts me with this sweet, precious little one. I can't wait to teach my son about his Father in Heaven. We already pray together every day and "I am a Child of God" is our nap time song :)

One final thought. I was thinking about the month of August and how it has always been a very exciting month every year pretty much my whole life. It has always meant a new grade or semester at school with new teachers, people, and subjects. A new season, new clothes, and new experiences. Even after I graduated, Wes was still in school and so August was still exciting with a move each year to Indiana, a new semester of law school for him, and a new job for me. And now with school really behind us, August has still proved to be a time of change. Wes started work and we have established ourselves in Utah. And most importantly our son was born on August 5th! As much as I still miss school and the newness that that brings, I wouldn't trade my new life for anything. I have known since I was a very small girl that I wanted to be a mom. As I grew up I knew that it would be the most magical and fulfilling thing that I would do in my life. And motherhood has not disappointed. In fact it's even more amazing than I could have imagined. It's also more exhausting and difficult than I thought it could be, but he is worth every second of fussing and 2 am feedings. I didn't know such a little person could require so much stuff and go through so much laundry and make so much noise and be so impossibly cute and bring so much joy to our home! Richard is such a blessing and I love watching him grow! I can't wait until he gets to start school to continue the joy of August. The joy of change and new experiences.

Richard Darrell Harward

I promise this is the end of this post! lol. Hopefully it was worth the read :) Thank you to everyone for all of your love, support, prayers, and well wishes! I will try to keep the blog updated with every milestone and adventure and pictures.