The Harward Family: August 2013

Now that we're all settled back in Indiana, I broke out my birthday present (awesome recording equipment and software) from Wes. After a really long and frustrating two days, my own little recording studio is all set to go in our apartment. It's kind of a surreal experience listening to your own voice and music and lyrics played back to you like it's supposed to be there but so cool! My poor fingers had blisters on the tips from playing my guitar so much - that's what happens when I don't play at all for four months and lose my calluses. I'm a bit rusty, but it's all coming together every day. Who needs a day job? I've been working on a few covers and a few originals as well, so watch out for those appearing soonish - either here or FB. Exciting. I know.

So earlier this week, I was just hanging out by myself while Wes was at school and wrote down a few thoughts on my latest endeavor, a little bit about the writing process for me, and music in general. I apologize if it's a little random and sporadic but that's just the way my brain works. (You don't even want to know what my journal looks like)

Music is the universal language because it comes straight from the heart. To the heart. It can express the feelings inside you better than just plain words. A few simple chords or notes can take you on a journey. Bring pictures and images to your mind. Take you on a journey of times, places, people, memories, and feelings. And every time you listen to the same song or hear the same tune, it can be an entirely new experience. What is incredible to me is that this is not unique. I'm sure that everyone has been moved by music somehow somewhere.

Music is truly a gift from God. I believe He gave us voices to sing and hands to play. I hope I can use this gift to simply bring joy - to my life and anyone else that cares to listen. I hope you do (listen) and that it does (bring you joy).

I'm not sure why this is exactly, but I don't always write from a happy place. It's more often melancholy and afraid. unsure and questioning. Those states and emotions fuel my creativity. Not that my music turns out sad but it's born on those sad, rainy days when I take a moment to think and reflect on life. When I'm happy and in a good place, I want to do and be. do fun things and be with people I love. At those moments, the world is right, and I don't need to reflect but just live my beautiful life. When I try to write about those happy things, it just comes out cheesy and insincere somehow.

This is purely for me. But music was meant to be shared and enjoyed. I don't hope to become the next youtube sensation or even a name out there. It's fun to dream of those things and making it big in the music industry, but that's not important to me. What is important is being able to express ME and what's inside me with anyone that wants to listen. I feel like sharing my music is the next step to progress it further. So thanks for reading and soon to be listening :)

This was a random late night post a few weeks ago when I couldn't sleep and then never posted...so it's a little late and inaccurate but I'm going to post it anyway :)

So it's probably about time that I join the blogging world again. I've told myself that it's okay I haven't kept up on it because my blog is called 'In the Land of Michiana' and I'm not there right now. Or it's because I've just been having too much fun livin it up in good ol' Utah. In reality I've just been lazy and realize that most of the people that read my blog know exactly what we've been up to this summer because they've been right there with us.

We leave for Indiana in just four days. Mixed emotions... Last year was pure excitement followed by harsh reality. This year I know what to expect, mostly, and it will be easier. I'm excited to be back in our apartment because it's ours. I have lots of ideas for better organization and new recipes to try - thanks Pinterest. Wes and I have a new hobby to enjoy together: golf. I never pictured myself playing golf or being one of 'those couples' that plays golf together, but it's actually a lot of fun, relaxing, and a much better way to spend time together than say watching mind numbing tv.

The thing I dread is the job hunt, which I started over a month ago. I'm not very patient when it comes to jobs because I've been told my whole life "who wouldn't want to hire you?" and being a college grad makes you more of a snob when it comes to what you'll apply for. I had a very discouraging day when another position was filled by someone other than me, and all of a sudden the grounds keeper position or cage cleaner position (yes that really is a job title at Notre Dame. I think it's for some lab or vet's office) were looking pretty darn promising. Thankfully I have somebody with their head on straight all of the time and he helps me to remember to be realistic and then finds 30 jobs I could apply for on Google. Love my Wesley. I will go back to the bank if nothing pans out. I'm just hoping for more money, or possible tuition benefits, or something that actually uses my degree.

On that same bad day, I was also having mid-college crisis thoughts again that go something like "I don't know what I'm good at, or what do I want to do with my life, or what good is that piece of paper anyway?" I'd rather ditch the job hunt and make writing music my day job. Talk about THE life. That plan is even more tempting when my birthday present was a bunch of recording equipment. Maybe Wes is really telling me to do that! Anyway, once I got a grip after a few tears, I reminded myself that my college education happened the way it did for a reason. I felt really good about the decision to major in exercise science and better yet I loved it! Don't doubt answers that have already come. If it felt right then, it's still right now. (One of the best Elder Holland talks - Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence.) I will find a job and it will be what's right for this year. I just have to have patience, more faith and trust in the Lord's timing, and more patience. Wes also reminded me that he's the reason I don't have the job I had all lined up after college. It always feels good to blame someone else :)

So that's what's happening now and in the near future. This summer has been so wonderful. I true summer because it included no job, family, friends, and sun. I've got the best tan I've had in a while without even trying because I've just been at the pool a lot with two highly active, crazy, adorable, smart, sassy, lovely girls all summer. Developing my mommy skills has been a lot more difficult than I expected. I've watched children almost my whole life and have done a lot of babysitting of nieces and nephews, but never in a full-time sort of way. It's exhausting to say the least. All mamas out there be proud of the work you do every single day because no one else can do it better than you. Being a mother is possibly the most selfless job or role there ever was and ever will be. There are constant decisions of doing things for you or for your kids. Children are naturally selfish and that makes it that much harder when you've given them everything you can already and they just want more of you. You without the technology or distractions. There's a difference. I'm grateful for this summer and the chance I've had to get a glimpse into a mom's world. One I'm going to stay out of a while longer, though baby Max is enough to change my mind in a heartbeat, or a smile, or a gurgle. I want one of him :) I wouldn't mind stealing easy-going Alex either.

Besides the kiddos, summer has included lots of family, food, shopping with the sis, reading Mormon romance novels - can I say real life love is so much better? :) - and golf. It also included a road trip to Cali for a most beloved Aunt's wedding and an anniversary of my own! Birthdays and parties and Sunday dinners. Where it all went to so fast, I do not know. I wish in so many ways that it was still just the beginning. I love my family so much it hurts to think about leaving them, again, and not coming back til Christmas, again. But at the same time it's fine. They're just a phone call or Facetime away. I've got the one I absolutely can't live without leaving with me so it will always be okay. Time to look East. for home. for a new school year. for new adventures.

Here's a quick look back in pictures.